Yesterday, Bill and I celebrated our 4-year wedding anniversary. For the first time in almost two years, we went out together, without Olivia. It was weird. Eventually we’ll be able to go out without any children (haha), but that small baby step was enough for now.
My brother-in-law and (may as well be) sister-in-law came over and hung out after we put Olivia down for the night. Bill and I went to this really great restaurant where there was nary high chair in sight, no children’s menu, nor an offering of grilled cheese, chicken fingers, or any other kid-friendly fare. Rumor has it that you could request a children’s menu, but we both agreed we couldn’t have imagined bringing a child to this place. Granted it was probably louder than any family-friendly restaurant we’ve been to, and some of the adults acted like children, but we were able to sit, eat, converse and I wasn’t worried about applesauce on the tablecloth, cheese on the floor, or juice being spilled across the table. It was…different.
After dinner we went to see Iron Man. It was awesome. I commented to Bill how the last movie we saw together in the theater (before Olivia was born) was Superman, and now, before this baby, Iron Man. Kind of funny. We did go to a drive-in after Olivia was born, but the theater experience was one I hadn’t had in almost two years.
While dinner for two was terrific, and the movie was awesome on the ‘big’ screen, both Bill and I agreed that it isn’t something we feel we are missing. Don’t get me wrong: we enjoyed our time together, and it was nice to just hold hands and walk together again. I hadn’t realized I had missed it until I grabbed his hand as we walked around last night, but our life is so much more complete when we are walking with Olivia and she says “dada…hand” and then, after she grasps his hand, she looks up at me and says, “mama…hand”. That is our life, and I don’t think either one of us would change one thing about it. I don’t feel like I need a “date night” every week, or even every month. Give Olivia 5 or 6 years and she will want to spend the night at someone’s house, away from us–this baby inside of me will follow shortly after. I am just enjoying every second of being around her, even if it is while she sleeps.
Our anniversary was a special day for us and I am so very thankful we were able to enjoy it together, which is maybe why I am so reluctant to want to do it more frequently. You know the whole idea of enjoying something more because it is a rare treat. Maybe that’s what I liked so much about last night: it was a rare treat that we don’t take for granted. As hokey as it sounds, I feel that way about Bill. He is such an amazing husband and my best friend (something that is unfortunately rare in many relationships), that I try to make sure I don’t take that for granted. I’m one lucky person.
I’m also one hormonal person. I just reread my post…I’m so emotional it made me want to cry and I knew exactly what I had just typed. Bill sent me flowers yesterday along with the sweetest little note attached and I just bawled. Olivia looked at me like I was crazy because I was laughing and crying at the same time and I kept saying “Mama’s okay, I’m just happy.” I couldn’t stop crying. I watch commercials, I cry.
I am also feeling kind of overwhelmed right now. I have this amazing friend who wanted to throw me a baby shower, and I realized (much to my chagrin) that I only had about 10 people I wanted to invite (or that I thought would be able to come to my baby shower) and over half of the list was family who had mentioned they wanted to get me stuff after the baby was born so they could be gender-specific. I felt kind of depressed that I didn’t have more friends in my general area, and that made me feel overwhelemed. THEN I realized that if I had a baby shower I would have to be around a group of people for a few hours and all attention would be on me and my belly, and THAT made me want to have a panic attack, so I explained this all to my amazingly understanding friend and we decided to take that day and just spend it together, which makes me much happier. I can’t explain it, I mean, the idea of a baby shower before you have the baby is like “aww, how fun” and I did have one when I was pregnant with Olivia. However, I also remember how emotional I was as soon as everything was over, and I just burst into tears because of some silly realization that I would have a baby in 3 months. This time around I was afraid that I would be freaking out sooner, since the shower would have been 1 month before the baby was born. I don’t know, I feel a bit more emotional this go-round, if that is at all possible.
Miss Olivia has awakened from her slumber–I’m off for now.