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For Women

The Year in Status Updates

So. Yeah. I was back. I AM back. But I’m going to be honest with you, being a single parent is tough. And while I applaud those who can do it and still successfully manage a blog, obviously at this stage in the game, I am not one of them. I’m doing the best I can, but I really do hate not blogging. It makes me grumpy, just as having a bunch of unedited photos makes me grumpy, but something has to give, and unfortunately, right now, it is my hobbies.

However, I realized that Facebook NEVER forgets, and while I haven’t blogged, I have updated my Facebook friends with funny stuff that goes on, because I enjoy entertaining people and I wanted to make sure I wrote the stuff down somewhere. SO if we are Facebook friends, you may not want to read this post (or maybe you missed a few of these?) If not, please enjoy my year in status updates Okay, I’m giving you status updates since my life…changed. It’s an interesting journey, to be sure, so enjoy your 15 months of updates. (note: anything that wasn’t in the status update but is needed to explain something is in italics).

September 24th, 2011:  “MAMA! Han Solo is in Indiana Jones!” “Olivia…Han Solo IS Indiana Jones!” Her mind? Blown.
November 3rd, 2011: It’s totally appropriate for my 3 year old to like AC/DC…right?
November 7th, 2011: (talking about Olivia): I may have one of the few children who argue that they aren’t sick and can go to school…as they are throwing up.
November 15th, 2011: Listening to “Won’t back down” by Tom Petty in the car, Sophia asked: “why is he singing ‘I want my doll back dad’?” Best lyric misquote ever!
December 20th, 2011: Olivia just asked if I could order In&Out to deliver. She’s a freaking genius. (that’s a brilliant idea, btw)
December 29th, 2011: Olivia just proclaimed Sophia “The queen of booty shaking”…um..yeah…no.

2012
January 26th:
Olivia asked me if I had eaten See’s candy lollipops when I was a kid, as she is currently enjoying a butterscotch one. I shook my head sadly, and said, “Alas, I did not…there were no See’s where I grew up.” Her eyes looked at me with pity…PITY people.
January 27th:
Sophia is eating an apple. “Can you cut the seeds out?” Me, being sick and knowing she can eat it as is: “No, you can eat around all the seeds.” Her, throwing her hip out, grinning in a sing-song voice: “If you say so!” That will not be cute in 10 years.
January 28th: Olivia is working in a math workbook. One section has a diagram to help you count backwards (to work on subtraction). When I explained what the diagram was for, she looked at me and said “Well that’s silly! They don’t even let me use my brain!” I told her to ignore the diagram then.
February 16th:
Sophia came to me, lower lip hanging out, in the saddest, most pathetic voice and said “I’m sad mama.” Concerned, I asked “Why are you sad, baby?” She looked at me, put her little head on my lap and said “I’m sad because I can’t fly.
April 2nd:
Sophia is a dance school dropout. I struggled with the decision b/c I am trying to teach my children to honor their commitments, but having a sulking, crying child in ballet is not fair to the teacher or the other students. Maybe 3.5 yrs is too young for that lesson.
April 19th: Sick Olivia has been up since 4am coughing. Sleepy Natalie has been up since 3 am, apparently anticipating sick Olivia.
April 28th: I may or may not have sniped a table from an old lady at In&Out, but all is fair in cheeseburgers & milkshakes, right?
May 1st: My kids’ are kind of spoiled growing up in LA. Today, Ed Helms performed at Olivia’s school. She was thrilled to see the “Onceler”
May 3rd: Teaching the girls all about Rube Goldberg machines while playing Mousetrap. I am a patient, patient woman.
May 5th: On Wednesday, I purchased 4 books from the book fair. Olivia read them in one night. On Thursday, I purchased 4 more–all of which were chapter books. I also took her to the library, where she chose 7 Junie B. Jones (chapter books) & 6 other children’s books. Now, at 1:34 on Saturday, she needs something more to read. #mindblown
May 7th: Before kids, it was seeing my byline that made me feel accomplished. These days, getting the dishes AND the laundry done before 9pm makes me feel like I climbed Mt. Everest. Hmm..maybe I need to get out more.
May 10th: I just dumped about 15 cans of play-doh that had reached the “looks like poo” phase from all the intermingled colors. On a related note: I need to buy play-doh.
May 12th: I never thought I would have to ask the question, “Did you just wipe your face on the couch?”
May 22nd: Whenever I am sad, or down…I just watch Buffy, and I remember: Hey, at least I’m not always having to save the world from the apocalypse.
May 24th: My behbeh is ‘graduating’ Kindergarten today. Yes, I’ll be the blubbering mama in the audience.
May 30th: “Mama, do you know who I love? You and my Minnie Mouse, but you know who I love the best? YOU!” Okay, Sophia is forgiven for being so stubborn at Disneyland. 😉
May 30th (later that day): Olivia just sang me a “chapter” from the song she plans to sing on stage one day: “I want to live my dream…that’s all I ever want to do….” I guess I’m doing it right.
June 1st: My baby girl is having her first sleepover away from me tonight. I am prepared for a 1 am call, but fear I will be waiting by the phone. (I did not get a 1 am call. My kid was a rockstar and didn’t want to leave the next day.)
June 3rd: About to watch my girl on stage! There will be tears! (There were, and she was amazing)
June 4th: This morning while getting ready for her Art day camp, I reminded Olivia that she needed to wear older clothes she didn’t mind getting messy. She looked at her Hello Kitty Vans (which are pretty much on their last leg) and said “I’m going to wear these, it’ll be okay if I get art on them.”
June 5th: I tried to tell these children of mine that the pool would be too cold at 4:30 in the afternoon, because it was barely 78 today. They didn’t listen. 30 minutes later: Mom is RIGHT! Too bad it took blue lips and uncontrollable shivering to prove my point 😉
June 6th: “Impossible is an impossibility” Ladies & Gentleman, my eldest born. Awesomeness.
June 9th: Last week, it was my baby’s first time sleeping over with a friend, this week, it’s her first time HOSTING the sleepover. *sniff* they grow up so fast!
June 10th: 9:15AM. It is 60 degrees and cloudy. But all the kids seem to think it would be the PERFECT time to play in the pool. I warn them that the water is freezing, but they are not concerned. Taking bets on how long they stay in.
June 15th: You know your day is off to a good start when you wake up sandwiched between two cute girls 😉 Even if they do snore.
June 16th: During lunch, Olivia said she wanted to be a superhero when she grew up. I told her that her & Sophia already were. “How?” She questioned “We can’t fly!” I looked at her and said “You save me from evil every day, but we’ll work on the flying bit.”
June 20th: Bounce house rented. Invitations being created. Guest list being finalized. Food list almost complete. Now I have one month to make a bunch of cardboard box robots. Anyone have free time and like to craft? Sophia is turning 4! EEK!
June 20th (later that day): Step 1: Buy the overripe bananas that are always super reduced. Step 2: Peel & freeze said bananas Step 3: Put three frozen bananas, half a cup of Peanut Butter, a few tablespoons of ground flax-seed and some vanilla almond milk (or your choice of milk or milk-like beverage) into a blender, Step 4: Blend and pour into cups. Result: Your children think you are a goddess and they have no clue you are being all healthy. Serves 3 🙂 And you’re welcome!
June 21st: I just had to tell Olivia & Staas that we do not use the Unforgivable Curses in our home. It’s official, we’re a family of geeks. (Staas is an 8 year old family friend that I babysit from time to time)
June 21st (later that day): What do you get when you cross a leaky hose, a sandbox and three semi-unsupervised children who decide to ignore the ONE RULE you have regarding outdoor play when you are not physically outside with them? One almost 4 year old covered head to toe in wet, clingy sand and one almost 6 year old with sand stuck to her scalp. Ahhh…Motherhood.
July 5th: “A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn’t what I want, but I’ll take the high road. Maybe it’s because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don’t want to walk around angry, or maybe it’s because I finally understand. There are things we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go. ” –JJ Jareau, Criminal Minds
July 12th: I may or may not have purchased a “Slushy Magic” (As seen on TV) while at Fry’s today b/c my kid recited the whole commercial and told me it would be the most awesomely magical thing ever. Yeah, I’m a sucker, but honestly, I want to see if the damn thing really works. (It worked. Kinda. But we never used it again)
July 16th: Four years ago today I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my second born. Happy Birthday Sophia Madeline, you have taught me confidence, true patience and how you can possibly love two people the exact same, yet differently. Thank you for being you, for being the spunky, stubborn, headstrong, hilariously witty and smart little fashionista that you are. Please don’t grow up too quickly, I’m having way too much fun with you thinking I’m as awesome as you are 🙂 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
July 17th: Bummer: Your car not starting.
Bad: You’re parked on (redacted) Blvd when it happens.
Awful: It’s 94 degrees out.
Really horrible: you’ve got three kids in the car with you.
Today I am thankful for great insurance with roadside assistance, having the most minor of issues and amazing friends who pick your kids up. Thanks Suzy (my good friend who is the mom of one of Olivia’s friends)
July 20th: Sophia, after finding a piece of chocolate she had dropped on the floor earlier: “Mama, what’s this?” I told her it was probably the chocolate she had eaten after dinner. Sophia sniffs it and says: “Yeah…it’s chocolate, but it looks like diary.” I will allow you to decide what she REALLY meant.
July 23rd: “Well, you know what they say, ‘three eyes are better than two!'” Um…no, Sophia, apparently I don’t know what they say. (I can’t make this stuff up!)
July 23rd (later that day): “Here Sophia, here’s a bandaid for your finger.” “Ack-shullee mama, it’s my sumb, not my finger….My sumb…my thsumb…THUMB…I’m working on it mama.” There is never a shortage of lol’s in this house.
July 24th: As we were leaving, the girls and I smelled Suzy’s neighbor cooking Indian food. Olivia, sniffing the air said “Hmm, smells like pancakes…no wait…it smells like OLD pancakes.” I, trying to figure out how that is even possible (as my pancakes contain no curry), explain it is Indian food cooking. Olivia looks at me and says “Why do Indian people eat food that tastes like old pancakes?” My dear Indian friends: I am sorry.
July 28th: Seriously Sophia? You’re testing the boundaries of your cuteness. GO THE EFF TO SLEEP.
July 31st: Possum: 2 Natalie: 2 We are tied little jerk. You’ve destroyed things in my backyard two nights and on two nights I have thwarted your attempts. You will pay. I do not know how. I come to my facebook friends: Does anyone know how to stop a possum, other than homicide? I’m just not into murdering animals, even nasty ones who chew up my kids’ toys.
August 3rd: And the plot thickens…Mysterious animals on my roof fighting, squealing…definitely NOT cats. Shook the house, scared me enough to call the non-emergency police line. But apparently the Animal Control guys with their cages and whatnot don’t work at night. The dispatcher, however, thinks it MAY be Raccoons. where am I, in the suburbs or back in the country? Luckily, if I am scared enough they’ll send the po-po to shine their flashlights.
August 7th: I organize the basket of hair bows. I separate the clips from the bands, the bows from the pins…all the while knowing…KNOWING it will be destroyed when the girls decide to play beauty shop. Why? It’s the definition of insanity in action.
August 7th (later in the day): Olivia: “Mama, why do people think Sophia and I look alike? We only have the same color hair.”
Me: “Well, you DO kind of look like each other, you have similar features.”
Olivia: “Yeah, I guess so.”
Sophia: “I don’t know…when I look in the mirror, I see a cute face.”
Oh dear.
August 10th: I love how this museum has A LOT of nutrition/exercise exhibits, yet it is sponsored by & has an in-museum Taco Bell.
August 10th (later in the day): After he was told that I was 3 years old in 1984, Staas asked “was it dinosaur time in 1984?” *sigh*
August 10th (even LATER in the day): It finally happened, after six years of dodging toys, I twisted my ankle after stepping on one tonight as I was putting the girls to bed. Ouchies.
August 11th: Okay Racccopossum, you have crossed the line. Destroying the butterfly garden Olivia & Sophia created? Too far…My name is Natalie (redacted), you killed our summer…prepare to die.”
August 13th: So I only got a little choked up dropping Liv off at school. Expect big ugly crying next week when Sophia starts preschool.
August 19th: Almost 50 bottles of nail polish and I can’t find a color I want. First world problems, man…first world problems.
August 20th: So now I’m on the way back to preschool…my baby is not having a good first day at the moment 🙁
August 20th (later in the day): Just in case you were wondering? The Squishy bath is a rip-off. The Shake-it thing was OK, I got an icy lemonade (You just need to shake a LOT), but the squishy bath is gross, basically silica gel in the tub. Olivia refused to sit in it, Sophia loved it…but…yuck
August 21st: I went to the Animal Shelter, got a no-kill trap and instructions on how to trap this raccoon. Apparently they like crispy bacon…Um, yeah, I’m not cooking this damn menace anything.
August 22nd: Sophia made it through the second day of preschool tear-free, but I sat outside at the picnic table for the entire time, so she could peek out at me. We talked it over & she is going to attempt not having me there on Monday (I’m working in the classroom on Friday) but have a “Stick mommy” Which will be a photo of me on a stick that she can take out and look at whenever she needs to.
August 24th: Spent my first day as a working mama at Sophia’s preschool and I am so so happy I chose to send her there–There are so many great people & kids! Also? I am an awesome wagon puller and bubble blower. *Adds to resume*”
August 25th: I’m exhausted…but, a-PTA-work-shopping I must go. And yes, I AM ‘that mom’ but at least I’m not THAT mom.
August 31st: For the past couple of months, I have been amused daily by Sophia’s usage of ‘nonono no’ and a slight headshake when we aren’t understanding what she means (not in the upset way, just in the “don’t you idiots understand?” kind of way). I wondered where it came from. Tonight, I was asking her to get something for me and was pointing to where it was–she went to the wrong item. I heard myself say “nonono no”… hehe *insert apple doesn’t fall far from the tree jokes here*
September 1st: “If I were evil, I would get my minions to do my work by (literally) kicking their butts” I guess it’s a good thing Olivia isn’t evil.
September 3rd: I told Olivia we were gonna start eating better & exercising, since we’ve been a bit…lax…this summer. She told me she was going to make me run in place tomorrow. Free trainer! Woohoo!
September 5th: In case you were keeping score? Sophia just gave me a hug, high five and waved goodbye. She’s a certified preschooler now!
September 13th: You would know that I would get a stressed-out fish (seriously, that’s why he is “sick”). Going to give the little guy some new rocks and plants and hope he decreases his stress level soon.
September 18th: “So apparently, this contest gives the winners a trip to Los Angeles…I’m not going to enter that contest, because I already live in Los Angeles and that wouldn’t be worth it.” –Olivia, pondering life in LA.
September 19th: “So, Mama…What if we lived in Africa, and I went to school in Africa, and we had a Chuck-E-Cheese night, but there was no Chuck-E-Cheese in Africa, and we had to take a plane to California to go to Chuck-E-Cheese? That would be a really long field trip.” Olivia muses international living…
September 19th (later in the day): Update: Despite looking like he was on the up&up after we changed his environment, Olivia’s poor fish, “Si” is no more. The stress of life just got to him. Luckily she isn’t too shook up about it.
September 20th: “I can speak another language–‘Mama Mia!’–That’s Italian.” Sophia, not demonstrating any kind of cultural diplomacy.
September 20th (that night): Watching Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood at 11:30 pm can only mean one thing (in my house, anyway): I have a sick, pukey Sophia. 🙁
September 26th: It took me one year and 20 days…but I am getting there. Very proud of some steps I am taking in the right direction. I hate being cryptic, but I think the details don’t matter, it’s enough to know I am moving in the right direction 🙂
September 28th: Ahh, the day finally came: my kids want “pasta and vegetables” for dinner. YAY!
October 1st: The first of October and it was 108 outside today… Hey world, didn’t you know that when Starbucks brings out their Pumpkin Spice Latte it means you are supposed to give us fall weather? One Bux, to rule us all…
October 2nd: I’m sorry, your FB post/insult is rendered moot when you misspell most of the words in said post/insult.
October 4th: Happy 6th Birthday to my smart, beautiful, wonderful, big dreaming, creative, sweet, and kind Olivia Dawn. It would take me forever to mention all of the ways you are incredible, never stop being you. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
October 5th: “Mama, Anastasia told me she wants to be a mermaid when she grows up, but…I don’t think she’ll be growing a tail, so…I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Olivia, on future aspirations.
October 8th: Just found out both of my kids have field trips on the same day…Sorry Sophia, The Getty wins over the pumpkin patch.
October 9th: When Olivia says she doesn’t feel well enough for school, something is seriously wrong. My poor baby 🙁 Gonna snuggle up and watch cartoons all day with my girl.
October 9th (later that day): Stress: I haz it. Regardless, I am a lucky, lucky, woman. Just keep swimming…just keep swimming…
October 12th: Apparently Olivia’s foot decided to grow overnight. She has a pair of flip flops & converse…guess I know what we’re doing this weekend.
October 12th (later that day): “Stop kissing my boobs!” Now added to “things I never thought I would have to say to my kids” (don’t worry, it’s totally G rated material)”
October 13th: I had a very detailed dream about faking my death, but in a “Weekend at Bernie’s” kind of way. I may need a vacation.
October 13th (later in the day): And we end the day with a sick, 101-fevered Sophia…That’s it, I’m buying an effin’ bubble.
October 13th (that night): Gonna be up all night. Soph is asleep, but the coughing keeps waking her 🙁
October 14th: (4am-ish): It is almost 4 am. We have watched Gnomeo & Juliet, Frosty the Snowman (1&2), Dora, and now Ice Age…my darling, dear, sweet sick Sophia: GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. Mama loves you!
October 14th (8:30am): 3 hours of sleep…in desperate need of caffeine…I may or may not eat a small child today.
October 15th: “Mama, remember when we played golf, and we hit the ball with the stick and it went into that clown’s mouth and then into another hockey hole? That was fun.” –Sophia on sports.
October 15th (later in the day): O: “Mama what year did you have me?”
Me: “2006”
S: “Oh wow, that was dinosaur times!”
Man, the six year old can’t even catch a break!
October 16th: S: “Mama, do we have a Volkswagon Routan?”
Me: “Yep”
S: “That reminds me, can I have some croutons?”…
October 18th: I survived being a field trip chaperone. I need a nap.
October 19th: And another sleepless night, poor Sophia just woke up congested, coughing, miserable. I hate that my baby can’t seem to shake these germs! Bubble, stat!
October 22nd: “Ack-shu-lee mama…I just want you to know…I love you!” And suddenly, nothing else matters. 🙂
October 23rd: Woohoo! Olivia’s newest obsession? Roald Dahl books. While I am bummed my childhood copy of Matilda was “borrowed” and not returned…she will be getting her own copy soon.
October 23rd (later in the day): No, YOU grabbed a burner, forgetting you had just turned it off 10 minutes earlier…ouchie.
October 24th: I offer you all a piece of wisdom my therapist imparted on me today: “The best way to get over somebody, is to get under somebody else.” Well played, Donna…well played. (Donna was telling me the quote, she wasn’t trying to pretend she came up with it 😉
October 28th: “I didn’t start the fight…I just finished it.” –Olivia (talking to her sister & Anastasia). I hate to admit it, but I’m kind of proud right now.
October 29th: The girls and I overslept an hour this morning, but miracle of miracles, Olivia was only 10 minutes late to school & I was only 3 minutes late to being E-parent at Sophia’s preschool. I.am.awesome.
October 30th: Staas to Olivia: “What’s a pixel?” Olivia: It’s a little fairy.”
November 1st: Me: “Everybody eats, Sophia”
S: “Everybody except dead people.”
November 6th: S: “I want a donut.”
Me: “I don’t really want a donut.”
S: “I don’t know, maybe you can eat a taco.”
November 7th: Olivia has a loose tooth…well, she HAD a loose tooth, but Sophia managed to pull it out in the bathtub (Olivia had the washcloth in her mouth, Sophia yanked the washcloth out of her mouth), where it was promptly lost in the bath water. Luckily I found it. Only my girls…
November 8th: Did my 4 year old just say “that was off the hook”? (indeed she did)
November 12th: The very minute I start thinking “Wow, this Mom stuff is easy, I’ve got it made.” One of my kids accidentally misses the toilet and pisses on the floor. Way to keep me humble, girls, way to keep me humble.
November 13th: Sophia, while watching me put mason jars of homemade chicken noodle soup into the freezer: “But, why did you put chicken soup in there and not cake?” A wise question, indeed. (this was in reference to the fact I made cake in the jars for Olivia’s birthday)
November 15th: After the past week I have had, going into Olivia’s classroom and hear 29 kids yell “yay, Mrs. (me) is here!” And then practically knock me over with hugs was the best medicine and it took everything in me to not burst into tears of joy. I am SO blessed and feel SO loved. ♥
November 17th: If we go with Einstein’s definition, I am definitely INSANE.
November 22nd: Today and every day, I am thankful for this life. I am thankful for every moment I have been given. I am thankful for every single bump, bruise, failure and triumph of my past, because it has brought me to this point, and even when I am sad…I have happiness. I am thankful for the lowest points, because without them, the highest wouldn’t have been so high. I am thankful for the two beautiful, healthy, wonderful children I have been blessed with raising, even as I do it alone. I am thankful for every single person who has been in my life, because they have all taught me something, whether they knew it or not. I am thankful for my friends, who have helped me through the darkest of my hours, and have forgiven me for not being as good a friend as I want to be because of it. I am thankful for my extended family, for the family I never knew I had. I am thankful for my marriage, even as it ends, because I had the chance to love with wild abandon for the better part of my life. I am thankful for being a little naive, for having a pure heart, for trusting, for not allowing the past 15 months make my heart hard. I am thankful for this time in my life, as it has shown me the strength in myself others had seen, but I could never grasp. As Maya Angelou wrote, more eloquently than I would ever: “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now”.  Happy Thanksgiving, to you and yours, Natalie, Olivia, & Sophia ♥
November 26th: Just had to read one of the hardest books ever to my kids. But, if you are going through a divorce, a great one is “My Family’s Changing” by Pat Thomas. If you have any to share, please do.
November 27th: I love that my kid doesn’t even blink when a full-on monk (in robes, etc) comes out of Starbucks on our way in. On a related note: only in LA.
November 28th: If you were going for “a voice four year olds recognize” then congratulations, Adam Levine, my kid knows that “the boy who sings the ‘Jagger song’ also sings ‘The Man who Never Lied’. Ha!
November 29th: Listening to the kids play ‘Brave’ is cracking me up–they are going all out & talking in Scottish accents. I’m DYING.
November 29th (later in the day): Sophia, holding up a ‘T’ she had made out of Legos: “hey mama, do you know what ‘T’ stands for?” “Um, I don’t know, Tommy?” Sophia, laughing at me: “No silly, it stands for Tatooine!” –My kids are awesome–
December 4th: Today, I cried…a lot. I fought…a Christmas tree…and I cried some more. But, at the end of the day, I am here, and I am fighting, and I am stronger than the tears, the sadness…and the damn tree. Thank you, every one who has had me in their thoughts and prayers. Step by step (ooh baby)…
December 5th: I was driving, and some random thoughts popped in my head regarding my situation, and I actually said, aloud (to no one) “Is this really my life?” And then I laughed so hard my sides hurt. Cuz, really, you MUST see the humor.
December 6th: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
December 7th: Olivia’s joke of the night: “What do you say to a person who has never seen a loaf of bread?” A: “Meatloaf” Ahh, 6 year olds.
December 8th: Sophia, putting on my red converse: “These are like clown shoes, honk, honk honk” Thanks, kid
December 9th: I hung the outside lights on the house all by myself. I am WOMAN! Now I need a nap.
December 12th: Both girls received a Christmas card with $10 in the mail today. Sophia: rips open the envelope, opens the card, sees money, “Mama I got MONEY!” Olivia: I had to remind her she had a card to open, she slowly opens the card, oohs and ahhs over the card, opens it, says “oh, look, I got money too” casually tosses it on my bed and continues to ooh and ahh over the cute dog on the card. I tell Sophia to give me her money and I will put it in my wallet. “Mama, I don’t want you to put it in your wallet, because it’s my money and you might spend it on something else.” Sophia P. Keaton in action.

 

So there you have it folks…My life in status updates. The more mundane ones were redacted, but this is a pretty accurate portrayal.
Here’s hoping I can actually follow through and write more.

 

 

 

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